You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
