I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
