My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
im on a boat
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