But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
