You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
