McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
