I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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