I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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