we have pet lesbian snakes
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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