I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
