i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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