No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
