I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
