Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
