Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
