jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
