I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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