so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
