Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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