Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
