It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
In America we eat man semen.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
