Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
