All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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