I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
