i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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