It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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