I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
