He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
