my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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