if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize