This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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