I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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