One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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