omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
