she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
