Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
