God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
