I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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