Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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