I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
