what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
