Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
