Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
