I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't turn off my feet"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
