We won't sleep together?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
