i think i have two assholes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
