Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
