mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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