They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
