Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize