I think i peed on brittanys purse
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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