everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
