i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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