Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize