Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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