i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She even gives head with a lisp.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
