I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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