I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
