So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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