your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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