In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
