i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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