don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
