Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
