i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
