Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
