Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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